Girls’ LEAP: Jeannetta, as we head back into another school year, we wanted your advice about how we can best show up for youth right now, given all that Teens have been coping with over the past 18 months.

 

LEAP: To start with, would you help us understand the biggest challenges that the teens have been dealing with over the past 18 months?

Jeannetta: One of the biggest has been not knowing what to expect – and having to figure things out day by day. Kids thrive on routine. As much as they may say they hate it, disciplined routine is what they need. And suddenly, in the pandemic, they were asked to be 10th graders and be an adult. “You need to do this on your own and you need to get up.” Many of them felt, “I don't know what's going on. I don't even know if this class is going to count. I can't see past today. I can't think about how this class is going to help me in my future. So, this assignment doesn't matter.”

They felt unheard, as well. I have to do all of these things. Wake up for school. Remember to do my assignments. Sure, I don’t have to get up and leave the house, but that is what's making me sad. I don't get to be with my friends. The response of the adults was often, This is not as bad for you as it is for me. All you have to do is go to school. What's the big deal? The fact that they got to stay home was even framed as something that's positive rather than something that they were really struggling with.

 

LEAP: It does sound tough for the Teens. What strategies did you use to help them?

Jeannetta: I kept it simple, using strategies we all have in our toolboxes. First, I just listened and affirmed. I know this is hard for you. I can't imagine what you're going through.

Another very simple thing I did was to use logic. I know this particular assignment doesn't mean anything to you, but look at the bigger picture. What is your goal? Do you want to go to college? Yes. All right. Do you need to pass this class to go to college? Yes. In order to pass this class, you need to pass this assignment. Yes. All right. So, I need you to just do this one assignment, just do this assignment." A lot of them found themselves in a big hole with schoolwork, with missing assignments piling on top of each other. I helped them make a plan for getting back in control, starting with the current assignments and then working their way back to older assignments.

Kids often can’t measure time. They may be overly ambitious. In school, time was laid out for them. Class time, lunch time, homework time. When I asked them what their day looked like I'm going to do these 16 assignments, and then I'm going to do my chores, and then I'm going to do my hair. That was literally impossible. So, I helped them build a schedule, an hour-by-hour plan. That structure helped them get back in control and gave them discipline.

 

LEAP: As parents, we try to help, but are there things we do that may actually make things worse?

Jeannetta: Parents do need to hold their children accountable, but you also need to understand that your children need an ally right now. Responding with "all you have to do…,” “why can't you just…”, “I hear you, but…" fails to affirm how your child is feeling. And so, no, you can't just allow your child to sleep all day and not give them any structure. But when there are certain goals that are not met, we all, including parents, have to understand that our students are still feeling enormous pressure to perform.

Many of us felt this was happening to us, as adults, not to our children. We thought of ourselves as the buffer, protecting kids from what was happening, but that's just not true. What parents can do is really sit and listen to the student's experience without interrupting. Ask, How was this for you, and what do you need to make it better? Parents need to be ready to hear the hard things, including things we may have said or done when we were under pressure that made them feel invalidated.

 

LEAP: As you look ahead, what might be the long-term impact on teens? How can we support them?

Jeannetta: I've found that students who weren't anxious before are now very anxious. Students who weren't depressed before are very depressed. It doesn’t help for us to just pick up where we were and function as if we have not been in a pandemic. Just going back to “normal” doesn't change the internal processes that we're feeling. Our schools need to be a more supportive and therapeutic setting for our students, not just for next year, but for years to come. Our systems, our mindsets need to adapt to the fact that we been through something really unprecedented. Our brains are wired to be hyper aware of danger, and that wiring doesn’t change just because we say, "Okay, the pandemic is over."

Transitioning to school – making friends and engaging in day-to-day activities -- may feel overwhelming for students. We need to think about how to support them, walking them back gradually, allowing them time to adjust, understanding that they've been through trauma.

Parenting through this pandemic has been really, really hard. You did the best you could do as a parent, you kept your student fed, you kept them clothed, they had housing. You did what you had to do to make sure that your student was okay.

I’d encourage you to advocate for your student to get the help that they need. If you notice that your child is a little bit less engaged, then have a conversation. Ask, would you like some support? I know that it's hard right now to get a therapist, but that's the support your child may need.

 

LEAP: What’s your advice for youth?

Jeannetta: Take your time. Get back into the things that make you happy, whether it was debate, track, cooking. If you were on 15 clubs last year, maybe ease your way into one or two. Find one space that you can create as your own. Find a trusted adult.

While it’s easy to tell yourself, I have to make up for lost time, that’s not possible. We cannot make up the time that has passed. Think about what is important for you right now. Focus on those things and find your joy in them.

Many students are trying to figure out work and college, feeling like they screwed up their sophomore and junior year and they have to make everything up in their senior year. That amount of pressure, it's not healthy. Don’t mentally and physically exhaust yourself and run yourself into the ground. Connect to the places and the people that bring you the most joy and focus on the one or two things that can add to your life in extracurriculars that make you feel good.

 

LEAP: Thank you, Jeannetta. This has been a great conversation. You are a fantastic coach.

Jeannetta: Thank you. It’s what I love to do.

 

Read what Zeinab has to say about her time with Jeannetta.

"Girls' LEAP prioritizes the mental and physical health of Teen Mentors. We meet with Jeannetta to help us understand the negative environments around us and learn how we can still manage to be ourselves by getting rid of the toxic energy."